Hasband and Wife

Husband and Wife

 

 

Platform par dher saara samaan liye khadi ek aurat se coolie ne puchha:

Madam, Coolie chahiye?
Aurat ne badi vinamrata ke sath jawab diya:
Nahin bhaiya, Mere pati mere saath hain!!

Husband: Meri shirt ulti karke press karna.
Wife: Ok. After 10 minutes
Husband: Meri shirt press ki?
Wife: Nahi…
Husband: Kyun?
Wife: Ulti nahin aa rahi hai!

Pati: Priye, Kya tum mere sath Yoga Class chalna pasand karogi?
Patni: Tum kehna kya chahte ho, main kya moti ho gayi hoon? Pati: Koi baat nahin, Ichcha nahi hai to mat chalo.
Patni: Matlab main aalsi hoon?
Pati: Arey tum gussa kyun kar rahi ho?
Patni: Matlab main hamesha jhagadti hoon!
Pati: arey maine aisa kab bola?
Patni: Matlab ki main jhoothi hoon!
Pati: achcha baba, Main nahin jaata hoon!
Patni: Main sab samajthi hoon, Darasal, tum le jana hi nahin chahte the…
Pati ne chup rehne mein bhalaayi samjhi aur phir so gaya!

Wife ambulance ko 108 per call karti hai. Operator: Aapko kya samasya hai?
Wife: Mere pair ki ungli coffee table se takra gayi hai.
Operator: haste hue aur iske liye aap ambulance bulana chahati hain.
Wife: Nahi, ambulance to mere pati ke liye hai, use hasna nahi chahiye tha naa..

Biwi ko samjhna matlab: 32 GB ka koi ek Video
2G network par download karna..
aur 31.95 GB download
hone ke baad….
Aakhir mein error dikhnaa!!!
means…. Impossible!!!

Bhari Sardi mein Biwi Bathroom Se Naha Ke Nikli To Uska Pati Use Ghoor Raha Tha! Biwi Romantic Hokar Boli: Kya Iraada Hai?
Pati Ne 2 Thappad Maare aur Bola “Mere Garam Pani Se Kyu Nahayi”

Apna Baccha roye, toh dil me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ka roye, toh sir me! Apni Biwi roye, toh sir me dard hota hai.
Aur doosre ki roye, toh dil me!
Sab prabhu ki maya hai!

Wife: Janu kya main tumhare sapnon me aati hu.
Husband: Nahi.
Wife: Kyun?
Husband: Main “hanuman chalisa” padh kar sota hun!

Wife:
Agar meri shaadi kisi ‘Raakshas’ se bhi ho jaati
to bhi main itni pareshan nahin hoti,
jitni main tumhare saath hoon! Husband:
Arrey pagli, Blood relation mein shaadiya kaha hoti hai?
Wife trolled!

Assistant: “Sir, Aap Office Mein Shadi-Shuda Aadmiyon Ko Hi Kyu Rakhte Ho?” Boss: “Kyunki Unhe Beizzati Sehne Ki Aadat Hoti Hai Aur Ghar Jane Ki Jaldi Bhi Nahi Hoti”

ndian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai
Wo kabhi sabke samne apne pati ko “Abe Gadhe” aur
“Oye Gadhe” ya
“Sun Gadhe”
nahi bolti
Isliye wo short me
“A.G. / O.G./ Suno G” Kehti hain..

Shaadi ki function chal raha tha.. Pati apni patni ke sath waha pahuncha,
Thodi der baad patni ne dekha ki wo kisi mahila se hans-hans kar baat kar raha hai..
Patni ne paas aakar kaha: Main ghar pahunch kar, tumhari Garam paani ki sikaayi kar ke Iodex laga dungi!!
Pati: Par mujhe chot kaha lagi hai?
Patni: Abhi hum ghar bhi kaha pahunche hain?

“Apni khud ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra badha sakta hai!”
– Shakespeare “Apni biwi ki galatiyo par hansna aapki umra Ghata bhi sakta hai!”
– Shakespeare ki Biwi

A man came home late at night after a party. His Wife yelled:how would you feel if you don’t see me for two days?
The man couldnt believe his luck, “That Would Be Great” he said.
Monday Passed And He Didnt See Her!
Tuesday And Wednesday Passed Too !!
On Thursday his Swelling became Better
And Now He Could See Her From The
Corner Of One Eye……

Biwi ne namaaz padhkar dua ke liye haath uthaye, par kuchh nahin manga aur haath neeche kar liye! Shauhar yeh sab dekh raha tha, to puchh baitha..
“Yeh kya? Dua kyun nahin maangi?”
Biwi: Maangne hi lagi thi ki “Allah aapki tamaam mushkile khatam kar de”
Phir socha, Kahin main hi na mar jaaun!

Pati: Aaj khane me kya banaogi?
Biwi: Jo tum kaho… Pati: Daal chawal banao
Biwi: Abhi kal hi to khaye the
Pati: To sabji bana lo
Biwi: Bahcche nahi khate
Pati: fir keema?
Biwi: mujhe allergy hai
Pati: Parantha?
Biwi: Raat ko paranthe kaun khata hai?
Pati: Kadhi?
Biwi: Dahi nahi hai
Pati: Fir kya banaogi?
Biwi: JO TUM KAHO!

Young Boy:
After 70 years, you still address your wife as Darling, Love, Honey!
Whats the secret? Old man:
Her name slipped from my mind 10 years ago!
And i’m scared to ask, what it is?

Harr Biwi Ki Dua Ya Khuda Mere shohar Ko
Tarakki De
Dolat de
Bangla De
Mujhe Kuchh Nahi Chahiye..
Tu Sab Mere shohar Ko de
BAKi….
Unse lena mera kaam hai

Pati Patni Mein Zabardast Jhagda Ho Raha Tha, Patni: Kash Main Apni Mom KiBaat Maan Leti Aur Tum Se Shadi Na Karti
Pati: Kya Matlab? Tumhari Maa Ne Mujh Se Shadi Karne Ko Mana Kiya Tha?
Patni: Haan, Bahut Baar…
Pati Rote Hue Bola: Hey Bhagwan, Main Aaj Tak Uss Nek Aurat Ko Kitna Bura Samjhta Raha Jisne Mujhe Bachana Chaha…

The time taken by a wife when she says I’ll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says ‘I’ll call u in 5 min!

Read more: http://funnyjokey.com/husband-wife-jokes.htm#ixzz4BIHNvaIo